Monday, September 14, 2009

The Bitch is Back...Again

Smack! Bang! Kerpow! Neety's back, Ladies and Gentleman, and she's angry.

Yes that's right; I'm sat in front of my TV, and I'm livid. It's quite sad because I'd hoped to end the L A D Y B L O G hiatus with a kick-arsed new post, all about how I'd overcome my adversities and learnt to love myself/the world/the Bomb/Marmite and was ready to hold hands with someone - anyone - and skip off into the sunset. But that attitude lasted about a minute and a half, two minutes if we're taking into account the amount of Ribena I drank. And yes, the sugary kind.

The reason I'm livid is because of these people. Look at them. I can't even be bothered to embed their sordid video into this blog, so I'm making you do the hard work, you belligerent spoon-fed peons. For those of you who don't want to interrupt my prose with clicky-clicky fun, the link leads to the new video from Australian *cough* BAND *rasp* The Veronicas. If you read Scribblin's of Retards you'll notice blogger Azzy describe their overall charm as reminiscent of "when [Azzy] was 16 and STUPID". Considering I knew him at 16 and was stupid myself, I can vouch: oh yes people, I can vouch.

So why do I hate them? Is it because they apparently can't keep their heads still when a camera points in their directions? It is because their lyrics includes the breath-taking "I go ooh ooh you go aah aah / Alalala halalala"? Is it because they don't bloody smile? Well yes, it's all of those, and that was just lazy journalism. But specifically after hearing their newest offering today. OK, the video is pretty sub-standard, emo-boys-and-girls-have-big-messy-orgy-cum-party-in-artsy-studio fare, but the song itself? Compare it to Pink's U and Ur Hand. In fact, compare both The Veronicas' releases to that song. See a pattern? Except Pink's release was available from July 2005. JULY 2005, PEOPLE.

As for the frigging Veronicas, I don't even know their names - and I don't want to. They're interchangeable: The Veronicas, Lady Gaga, Pixie Lott, Girls Can't Catch, The Saturdays. Heard of them? Sure you have, but can you tell which one is which? Bring back the days when you heard real instruments in songs. And maybe when I've stopped shaking with self-righteous anger I'll write a proper blog; I'm out of practice.

Oh by the way, I'm now happily in a relationship with the delectable Brawny of the blog Life, Thoughts and Drunken Rambling. He's a cracking guy and we're very happy, in a delightfully asinine, bitter-and-twisted way. Proof that there are nice guys out there ladies; you just have to waste a lot of time of arsebiscuits of the first degree to realise who and where they are.

Neety ~ "A clue: Lady Gaga's the superlatively irritating one"

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