Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Saving your Bacon

The media has decided that we're all fed up of hearing about the economy. It thinks we're all sick of hearing how our Prime Minister is hopeless, that we've had enough of Credit Crunch doom and gloom and that we won't buy any more papers because all they're going to tell us is that we're all damned to wallow in financial ruin until the mid-2030s or later. (Oh wow, I wonder which 'newspaper' was the first to figure that out.) So what's the news? What's the hot topic? Well get ready, World because here it is:

WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE.

No, I'm not insulting your intelligence: I know you know death is imminent; in fact it's the only certainty in life. I'm saying - or rather, the media is saying we're all going to die now. Prematurely. All because of SWINE FLU.

"But wait," I hear you say. "I can't die yet. I haven't finished paying taxes/claiming benefits/working myself into debt that the Government will expect me to repay as soon as I am booted out of my chosen institution." That's a shame. Because SWINE FLU is coming, coming like the swift touch of the Grim Reaper, swooping down and stealing everything you love and turning it to dust! AND YOU'RE NEXT! HAHAHAAAAAA!

......OK. So I over-reacted there. But I think I got my point across. This is how the media reacts to a new threat: blowing it up to sky-high proportions in order to sell, sell, sell.
Did you know that according to the Centre for Disease Control and Prevention, 13,000 people in the USA alone have died from regular influenza (or 'flu' to me and you) since January 2009? And it causes around 36,000 deaths per year in the USA alone; the victims are usually the vulnerable who die of complications after catching it.

I would also like to point out the isolated case of the woman in Merseyside who caught the dreaded Swine Flu, and after a few days of sniffles, nose-blowing, Tamiflu-popping and no doubt plenty of fluid intake, turned out....to be just fine. Which is more anti-climactic than trying to have a quickie with Sting.

I'm not going to make a triviality of Swine Flu (God knows I hate those words already), as I am aware it has killed around 300 people and unlike regular flu it doesn't have a readily available vaccination yet. I am just sick (pardon the pun) of hearing newscasters and reading articles detailing how doom is upon us yet again, hyperbolated by journalists who give their readers the option of doom or - er...oh, sorry, more doom. You see, we appear to be fresh out of good news.

In the meantime, if you think you have swine flu, here's a handy site deatiling what to do next, and an informative site if you don't have swine flu*.

Neety - "Shut up and eat your bacon sandwich"



*I absolutely refuse to apologise for this.

2 comments:

Rai said...

...hope you don't get Sting Flu.

Sprog said...

You have only just realised the news do this?!