It's nearly Christmas, and sadly I can't keep the resentful cynicism facade up any more. I'm excited! So I've compiled a shoddily-written Alphabetical list for you. Here's A-H of the Festive Fun and Frolics List...
A is for Alcohol. Yes. Because that's what I've got for Christmas (thank you Simon), and that's what I'll be getting at Christmas, and that's what I'll be having on the night of the Christmas Party.
B is for Bastardization of some of the best songs in the musical lexicon. I'm talking of course about Cliff Richard, G4, Jason Donovan and anyone who releases an album of covers. Shudder.
C is for Cute Factor. Getting kids to do the nativity. Aaaaah. Getting younger kids to put on a play. Aah. Getting toddlers up onto a stage, culminating in at least one of them weeing/crying/giving a SHOUTY RUNNING COMMENTARY. Agh.
D is for Donkey. It is also for Dammit, My Little Brother Made £100 Just Doing His Job, And I Don't Even Have A Job (but I thought that was too long-winded and depressing).
E is for Electric Lights. Bell-shaped, berry-shaped, lantern-shaped, snowflake-shaped, aren't they pretty. And they mesmerize the living hell out of Soupy and George.
F is for Frosty. Is it just me who thinks that frost on the windscreen is incredibly beautiful? However, bear in mind that the sight of me twittering about the pretty patterns on my boyfriend's new incredibly expensive car windscreen is not as appealing to said boyfriend as he tries to remove six inches of ice armed with nothing but a Tesco Clubcard.
G is for Grandma. Out of respect, I won't say any more.
H is for Holidays. Yay, now I have extra portions of Xel, all day, every day!
In other news: Festive lols come in the form of the biggest giggle-worthy shite which I chanced upon from MSN news, or whatever it calls itself these days:
http://entertainment.uk.msn.com/celebrity/PhotoGalleries/gallery.aspx?cp-documentid=12025352&imageindex=12
"OY POT! This is kettle, innit.......YOUR BLACK!!!!1"
2 comments:
I is for idiots who leave xmas shopping until christmas eve
J is for Jokes. The rubbish ones in those "luxury" crackers from M&S. It's not just christmas. This is a stupidly expensive M&S Christmas.
K is for... Kwanzaa. Because we need to be politcally correct *shrugs*
L is for lambs. Why did the shepherds abandom them to go see Jesus? BECAUSE THEY'RE HARSH.
M is for Money. Because a lot gets spent at xmas.
N is for Noah. He's linked to Jesus! I could have said Noel but it wouldn't have been as much fun.
O is for Oranges. Because it's all you'll get in your stocking. Well, that or coal.
P is for PaRrties. Wher peoplees get drunked.
Q is for... The Queen. Who gives a speech every christmas day. AND NOBODY WATCHES IT.
R is for Reindeer. Because they can really fly. Try chucking one off your roof and see.
S is for Santa. Or Saint Nicholas. Or Saint Nick. Or SOD OFF YOU BLOODY CAROL SINGERS.
T is for TV. Because there's lots on it at christmas.
U is for Urine. Because people drink lots, so they need to piss lots too.
V is for Vegetarians. They're a bit screwed when it comes to traditional christmas dinner.
W is for Wine. Because female members of your family are going to consume WAAAAAAY too much of the stuff
X is for Xmas. Well what the bloody else starts with X?
Y is for Yule. Nobody knows what it means, but it means we get to eat Yule Logs.
Z is for Zebra. Because you don't see those at christmas, do you?! :D
I have also realised by inserting an "S" and a "W" into your title, I can make it incredibly dirty. LOLAGE.
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