News Bump

Twitter was rife with activity on the night of MTV's Video Music Awards.

Not that I knew anything about it - despite owning a smartphone, whenever big news goes down on Twitter, I seem to be miles away from it. The only thing I did catch was comedian Peter Serafinowicz's fake-joke back at the beginning of the year. (Google it, go on, I dare you).

But apparently people were using their 140 character limit to tweet about Beyonce Knowles; thankfully nothing involving Kanye bloody West this time but because she is pregnant with her and husband Jay-Z's first child. Which is truly lovely. No, it is! The world of celebrity is fickle; weddings never go without a hitch (pardon the pun), marriages dissolve like a urinal cake in a monsoon and people indiscreetly whack their neighbours and steal each others' offspring. It's like Eastenders, only with less David Essex.

All right, so maybe it's not quite that bad (although all of that has actually happened on Eastenders). But no sooner did she announce her pregnancy did some big mouth come along and accuse her of padding her bump.

Celebs have been accused of worse - remember the "has-she-hasn't-she" debate over whether or not Britney Spears had a boob job? Or if that really was Jennifer Aniston's real hair? But as I read this story I could hear the "AW, CAAAAHMAAAAAAAAHN!" building up inside me.

Here's the thing: pregnant women, from my limited experience, are not 'textbook'. There is no guide saying "This is what you will look like at six months", because it will all vary. It depends on the mother's height, shape, size, amount of body fat, how big the baby is, etc. It differs.

I'm not that naive. She may have padded her bump for extra exposure. But I'm willing to bet that her team of stylists knew she was going to announce her pregnancy that night, and tried their hardest to dress her in a way that showed her bump prominently. I'm betting that if it was padded, it was padded in order to draw more attention to the area - if she did only have a tiny bump when she announced her pregnancy, would the responses have been any less mean and disparaging? Instead, I might be writing about a blog that said "She's not really preggo, look at her tiny bump".

At the time of writing this, Beyonce has yet to comment - and good on her. She's spent her life in the media circus so she's learnt to neatly step over great big turds like this. Plus, the next few months will be crazy for her and Jay-Z, right up to the birth. Everything she does, says, wears, buys and eats will be picked apart. And I imagine she will be looking down at the flying comments and remarks, throwing her head back and laughing.

And as for the people who still think she's padding: OH NO! This is the first embellishment anyone has ever made, EVER!!!! Does this mean that Lady Gaga didn't really die on stage? Does this mean that Eddie from Iron Maiden isn't real? They all deserve to be, like, humiliated publically! Because we plebs have never worn push-up bras or suck-in underpants or fake lashes or anything like that, EVER!

(I'd like to point out that although I have linked to GLAMOUR Magazine online, I am not accusing them of anything at all. If you read that article they have provided a fair account of the story, and coincidentally are one of my favourite magazines.)

^ Article from Glamour Online: Jenn Selby, 08/09/2011