Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Pants to the lot of you

Bugger. It appears that after all, I have reverted to crap one-liners as titles.

Today, dear Blogger.com, Teeny is confused. And you're all going to listen why I tell you why, because firstly you're nice and secondly you're like Prince Charles' potted plants; you don't have a choice, you just have to sit back and listen to the impertinent old bugger and hope it steps out of the way of the sun when it's all over.

I am confused because I've dyed my hair. Not confused by the colour (Red Black), nor confused by the new cut (very short at the back), but because I have apparently become a totally new person. I have, ladies and gentlemen, traversed into the world of the "GOFFF".

No, not Goth, GOFFF. The Goth has, along with the rise of Emo and the fall of Pete Wentz's waistband, pretty much disappeared. The GOFFF is what is hollered by such riff-raff as 'The Poole Town Massiv' (or whatever they're now calling themselves) at people like me: ordinary people who have perhaps darker hair as usual and don't drape themselves all over in bargain buy sports wear.

For your perusement, some examples of GOFFF:
  • Dark Hair: either dyed darker than your standard chocolate brown, or else naturally dark or black hair on an otherwise Caucasian
  • Eye Make-Up: Dark or vivid coloured eyeshadow on females, any at all on males
  • Clothes: if you're not obviously wearing Sports World or JJB's own brand, then you're pretty much a target. Today for example I was wearing a forest green jumper and grey jeans.
  • Accessories: Earrings that aren't gold, diamonique or diamante or any retarded amalgamation of 'diamond' and another random word. Watch that is not, again, a sports brand. Also, unless you've marinaded yourself in Adidas or Lynx, you're pretty much of a different species.

So there you have it. Apparently, you don't have to shop at American Apparrel, Alchemy or Hot Topic. Why waste all that time and money dyeing your hair? After all, provided you aren't a Chav, chances are...you're a GOFFF.

Teeny ~ Today I tripped and fell in a bush, mush

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